Wednesday, November 2, 2016

30 Day Blog Challenge: days 1 and 2

I realized recently that this blog has lain dormant for too long. I never know what to write about. Of the thousands of words I have written, I have done very little creative writing since college. My life at the keyboard has been spent presenting the facts. So, I went to Pinterest and found some blogging pins.  I searched blog ideas. I found a few. I am now getting emails about starting a blog; I've had a blog for years, I don't need to START one, I need to give it CPR. I also found this challenge. It is quite introspective, something I tend to shy away from. I will definitely be moving out of my comfort zone.

Since this is coming to you on the 2nd of November, I have obviously already "failed" at the 30 days. So today will be a double topic. I actually think it will get easier as the month progresses. Days one and two are to 1. Describe your relationship and 2. Where do you see yourself in 10 years.
Weighty subject matter!

I am not in a relationship, unless cats count? I also am not sure how I sit here 48 years old and have never been married, have not even been close since my 20s. So, I guess it is time for some self inspection. I work. I have a full time job and a couple side jobs. I have almost all my adult life worked multiple jobs, and early mornings, both of which make it easy to say no if someone asks you out, and I have witnessed enough relationship foul a workplace that I would not date a co-worker. Layer one of the protective circle.

In your 20s, even with a grueling schedule there were many other singles, so there were opportunities for socialization, that got harder and harder as I got older. I also look at the many moves my career took me on, it seemed every new community it was harder to make social friends, versus work friends, until I just gave up and stayed home with my cats and  a book.
I also feel that while I am back in my home town, and know just about everyone, social circles are set, and no one has invited me in. I'm too socially awkward to invite myself. So I do feel envious when a group of ladies come in for a girls night when I'm bartending.

Wow, this has really turned into a pity party! So time to stop! What it boils down to, is that I am NOT happy with my relationship status, but damned if I know how to change it. I have tried on line dating. Thought I met a decent guy, dated for a year and caught him cheating.  That is something that I have zero tolerance for. If you are unhappy in a relationship you have two clear choices. The first is the hardest, FIX THE PROBLEM, many people apparently don't understand that a good relationship takes two people, working hard to keep it good. The second choice is to get out. If you are unhappy, chances are your partner is too. That is the easy way. The slimy way is to cheat. I guess another reason I'm still single is that I feel NO relationship is better than a BAD relationship. I don't understand otherwise strong women who stay with guys who are verbally or physically abusive, the need to not be alone overwhelming their self preservation. Just don't get it.

I'm going to shush on the day one topic, obviously I can get wound up! Day two's topic is even harder for me to write about. So many times in my life I have made those long term plans and goals, and then a few months down the road ownership change, mass layoffs and all my hopes and dreams get shattered and I am looking for the next gig. So sadly, at my age, I have become a superstitious old hag and hate to dream or plan a future more than a few months to one year down the road.

Your thoughts and experiences? Advice for how I can get out of my rut that has become as comfortable as a favorite sweatshirt?